Episode 48: Glasgow – Gold, Green and Iron

“Lord let Glasgow flourish through the preaching of thy word and praising thy name”

This episode we’re off to Glasgow – the largest city in Scotland, for stories about Saints and Monsters set along the river, by turns in a Dear Green Place and a gritty, deadly urban sprawl.

Hear tales involving necromantic powers, cuckolding, fish, axe-wielding school children, dental operations gone wrong and all the other usual suspects.

As referenced at the start an episode I ended up rewriting multiple times as I got bogged down in a tremendous amount of ghost stories – none of which eventually made their way in, though there are still a certain element of spookiness.

I hope you enjoy this episode that’s really two stories – spread out a bit.

The confusing St. Mungo’s rhyme

I didn’t mention on the podcast that there is a rhyme about the miracles of St. Mungo, that’s much associated with him.

It is said pointing at the city coat of arms (to the right!)

And goes:

There’s the tree that never grew,
There’s the bird that never flew,
There’s the fish that never swam,
There’s the bell that never rang.

It’s very well known in Glasgow and also I find it utterly incomprehensible: because the tree pretty much grew, the fish definitely swam, the bell rang, and the bird very definitely flew! That’s kind of the point of it.

I remain somehwat baffled by this whole thing.

Alt Clut and Dumbarton Rock

I mentioned a fair bit on the podcast about the Kingdom of Alt Clut and the kings of Dumbarton rock.

There’s a very interesting part of pre Scottish history that’s quite obscured by the mists of time and not widely known about which is

I really enjoyed this YouTube video on the subject so if you want to learn more maybe give it a go.

Jenny Wi’ the Airn Teeth

As promised on the podcast – this is the poem about Jenny… well, really it’s about scaring small children. But that’s good too.

Jenny wi' the Airn Teeth

What a plague is this o’ mine,
Winna steek his e’e,
Though I hap him ow’r the head
As cosie as can be.
Sleep! an’ let me to my wark,
A’ thae claes to airn;
Jenny wi’ the airn teeth,
Come an’ tak’ the bairn:

Tak’ him to your ain den,
Where the bowgie bides,
But first put baith your big teeth
In his wee plump sides;
Gie your auld grey pow a shake,
Rive him frae my grup—
Tak’ him where nae kiss is gaun
When he waukens up.

Whatna noise is that I hear
Comin’ doon the street?
Weel I ken the dump-dump
O’ her beetle feet.
Mercy me, she’s at the door,
Hear her lift the sneck;
Whisht! an’ cuddle mammy noo
Closer roun’ the neck.

Jenny wi’ the airn teeth,
The bairn has aff his claes,
Sleepin’ safe an’ soun’, I think—
Dinna touch his taes;
Sleepin’ weans are no for you;
Ye may turn about
An’ tak’ awa’ wee Tam next door—
I hear him screichin’ oot.

Dump, dump, awa’ she gangs
Back the road she cam’;
I hear her at the ither door,
Speirin’ after Tam.
He’ a crabbit, greetin’ thing,
The warst in a’ the toon;
Little like my ain wee wean—
Losh, he’s sleepin’ soun’.

Mithers hae an awfu’ wark
Wi’ their bairns at nicht—
Chappin’ on the chair wi’ tangs
To gi’e the rogues a fricht.
Aulder weans are fley’d wi’ less,
Weel aneuch, we ken—
Bigger bowgies, bigger Jennies,
Frichten muckle men.

Alexander Armstrong

Selected Sources

• Life of Kentigern – Jocelyn of Furness
• Monsters with Iron Teeth – An academic work that touches on the Vampire with Iron Teeth Story
• Jenny wi’ the Airn Teeth – The poem in Alexander Anderson’s collection
• Horrors of it All: The Gorbals Vampire myth – A good summary of the vampire with the Iron Teeth story.